Good News: There’s no wrong answer only what better supports your day

If you’re feeling torn about whether or not to do a first look, you’re not alone. Or maybe torn isn’t even the right word… you may just feel like you don’t know enough to make a decision (afterall, this is likely the first time you’ve planned a wedding).

For every couple who says, “We definitely want one,” there’s another asking, “Do we have to?” And the truth is no choice is better or more correct than the other. First looks aren’t about following a trend or doing what you’re “supposed” to do. They’re about how you want to experience your wedding day emotionally, logistically, + relationally.

As a wedding photographer, my goal is never to push couples toward or away from a first look. It’s to supply the tools that can help you choose the option that best supports how you want your day to feel.

Here are a few questions I walk through with couples when they find themselves needing help deciding.

How Do You Want to Feel That Morning?

This is the most important place to start.

Ask yourself:

Do I feel calmer when I’m with my partner?
Or do I enjoy anticipation and buildup?

Some couples feel grounded and steady when they’re together, especially on emotionally charged days. Seeing each other earlier can calm nerves, slow things down, and make the rest of the day feel more relaxed. (This was my personal deciding factor for my own wedding day; I knew once I saw my soon-to-be husband nothing else would matter.)

Other couples love the anticipation of waiting until the ceremony. They enjoy the build-up, the reveal, and the shared moment in front of their guests that feels more traditional to past generations.

Neither is better. One just might feel more fit for you.

How Do You Feel About Emotional Moments Being Private vs. Public?

Another helpful question:
Do you prefer emotional moments to be shared or private?

A first look allows you to experience a big emotional moment without an audience. For couples who feel more comfortable processing emotion privately, this can feel like the most comfortable route.

If you love the idea of seeing each other for the first time surrounded by friends and family (or you feel energized by shared emotion) waiting for the ceremony might be the better fit.

I’ve also had the joy of witnessing something that felt in the middle: a private meeting where loved ones viewed from behind closed glass doors or from a distance great enough to not be heard. Truly there is no right or wrong way to have a first look so maybe considering something like a middle point or one of these alternative (less traditional) approaches will be what resonates.

Reminder when answering this question, it’s not about how emotional you “should” be. It’s about what option would aid you in feeling most like yourself as a couple.

What Does Your Timeline Look Like?

Logistics can also come into play; not because they should dictate your choice, but because they affect how the day flows.

Things to consider:

Ceremony start time
Travel between locations
Time of year and available daylight
Whether you want to attend most of your cocktail hour

A first look often creates a little more flexibility in the timeline, particularly when it comes to portraits and family photos. Waiting until after the ceremony is just as valid and can work really well too — it simply calls for a bit more intention around timing. Either way, with a well-built plan, nothing important gets missed.

Do You Want More Time Together on Your Wedding Day?

Wedding days go quickly. Faster than most people expect or could ever imagine.

A first look creates intentional time together before the ceremony. Time where nothing is being asked of you except to be there with each other.

This can be especially meaningful for:

Nervous couples
Large weddings with lots of guests to mingle with
Couples who don’t love being the center of attention

If you’d rather not wait hours to have a quiet moment alone together, a first look (traditional or not) can be a really valuable option.

Remember: A First Look Doesn’t Have to Be Traditional

Sometimes couples feel stuck because they don’t love the typical version of a first look, but that’s not the only option.

First looks can also look like:

Getting ready together
A casual morning meet-up
Reading letters or vows privately
Seeing each other earlier without creating a “moment” around it

If the structure is what’s holding you back, it might help to think less about how it’s supposed to look and more about what would feel supportive.

There’s No “Right” Choice but it can be an Intentional One

Both choices lead to beautiful, meaningful images when the day is planned with care and presence. The key is choosing what aligns with your personalities, your energy, and your priorities. Forget what you’ve consistently seen online + instead lean into what feels like the better fit for you.

Final Thoughts

Whether you choose a first look, a non-traditional version, or wait until the ceremony… the most important thing is that the choice feels like yours. When your wedding day decisions support your overall experience, everything else (including the photos) tends to fall into place naturally.

How to Decide If a First Look is Right for You